Ace... Complete

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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Sith on Wed Nov 03, 2010 5:17 am

Arthas wrote:

Bankai Name: Piercing Death

I'm rather certain that your bankai's name must have the name of your zanpakutou somewhere within it (I.e. Tensa Zangetsu, or Senbonzakura Kageyoshi or Daiguren Hyoinmaru.)

While using Bankai Ace gain an armor around his body that protects him from all blinding techniques except for barrels. He grows 30% faster making him almost impossible to see, if you're not completely focused in on him. His strength grows by almost 30% and his Accuracy is almost 25% better than when he started the fight.

Whats how does armor protect him from being blinded? What do you mean except for barrels? Do barrels blind people?

There are many places where your app is just as hard as this to understand, and keep in mind, that if your post quality becomes this hard to interpret, and continues to have terrible grammar, you may be forced to take a lower rank.

When this happen Ace is allowed to swing the sword and release a strong blue wave of light that is made of ice, this gives him the ability to freeze certain things.

How big is the wave? How strong is it, in comparison to a kido number or some other measurable milestone? How strong is the freezing affect if the opponent is hit by it?

Ice Rain~ that can released his shards into a 100 shoot strike but He can only use this attack a few times before he losses bankai for a short amount of time (6 post).Ace is able to hold his Bankai for 5 -10 post depending on how calm he is at the time of releasing his bankai. Each time he use this attack it out a strain on his pressure and takes away from his ability to maintain. (1 post per use).

Does this have any cost other than eventually forcing you out of bankai? How big is each shard? How are they shot out? Are these shards sharp? what do they do upon contact with the enemy? You have to be more descriptive with your techniques.

Chains of Ice~ An attack is used to forge chains out of water and constrict your opponent into standing still. Once the opponent is grab by the water it freezes over and become almost as hard as steal. It takes an massive amount of concentration to control this attack, even more a slight strain on spiritual pressure as you must focus to hold them in place. This attack can only be used three times per usage of the bankai.

How does this hit them? Where does the water come from? How strong are the chains?
As with Ice Rain, requires more fundamental description of exactly what the attack does and how it does it.

1 thousand shards of Rain~ Unlike the name suggests it only releases a total of 500 hundred ice shards. This attack is only usable on the nights of a full moon. This attack it very accurate when trying to hit multiple opponents, upon drawing of your spiritual pressure into the shot, the user to place a strained state on their body and spiritual pressure. This block their abilities for a slight moment as the moon restores the energy. Once they used bankai technique it is unusable use for the rest of the fight. Each shards blows up and covers a total of 5 yards circumference in complete snow and ice. In addition and thing that is his by this attack become frozen for a slight moment.

How on earth is your zanpakutou related to the moon in anyway? And how does the moons presence restore spirit energy?

First one Fixed...
Second has more details to it...I meant binding not blinding... Typo i keep over looking
Third one fixed... Has more details added to it
Fourth one Fixed... Added more details to it
Fifth one ... It not supposed to hit the opponent it just captures them,,, But i edited it a little to explain what i meant.
Sixth one Fixed and I added more info to my Zanpaukto Soul to get my point across more clearly on my bankai...
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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Arthas on Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:00 am

No perfect protection from binding kido and abilities, far too OP. I'll let you have defense from bakudo kido and other binding techniques of up to level 45 tops as passive protection.

Ok.... Wow... As lovely as your Zanpakutou's spirit story is Ace, it makes no sense whatsoever within the context of bleach- Firstly, Zanpakutou are part of the owner of the blades own being. A zanpakutou spirit is a fragment of the owner of the zanpakutou's conciousness, combining with their reaitsu to take the form of their power. This is why Shinigami have what are known as 'inner realms' as the inner realm functions in a very similar fashion to a place where monks go when meditating: a deeper level of conciousness that transcends normal bounds, where within the shinigami, the zanpakutou spirit resides, waiting to be called forth by the master of the blade. A zanpakutou spirit, is, in essence a fragment of the owners mind, that takes its own form within the user, and developes its own personality and power based upon what fragment of the individual it was birthed from. A zanpakutou is NOT a demon sealed within a sword, unless it was demon formed from some part of your personality that managed to become its own conciousness. This is the reason shinigami are able to commune with their zanpakutou, as it is like communing with oneself. Therefore, as interesting as your zanpakutou's back story is, in the context of bleach and zanpakutou it does not make any sense.

With your shikai, does the amount of hits necessary to freeze someone vary based on the strength of the opponent? Set up a number of hits necessary to freeze someone. Does it have no power when the temperature is above 65 degrees?

With your bankai, can the Long Blade freeze 90 Gallons of water total? or per post? Are the weapons and shields made out of pure ice, or ice mixed with reaitsu? How strong are they in comparison to your actual weapons? Can you still manipulate the water after it is frozen? (i.e. conjure an ice spear and have it throw itself)

With Ice Rain... So, it releases 100 ice shards as you swing your blade? I thought iveshoot out in whatever direction you're facing? From the water source you're using? (if you need one) From above the enemy? How wide an area do they cover? How strong are they?

Chains of Ice - looks fine now.

500 Shard Ice rain- Same questions about how its launched as I had with Ice Rain, whats the velocity, how wide an area, what direction, how powerful are the shards themselves??

The moon restoring your energy still is not cohesive with the remainder of your zanpakutou, nor does it make sense in context of this ability.

Once in the bankai state Ace abilities grows making 30 percent harder to bet than when he started the fight. His speed grows by 35 percent, making him very difficult to keep track of in a one on one fight. His strength grows by 30 percent making each attack a lot more deadlier. His Accuracy is 25 percent better, as giving him the ability to incorporate more long distance attacks into his fighting style

Your abilities grow? What does this mean? Your everything? Your Kido? Make that clear, as it will probably need to be nerfed. 35% speed is a little too much, tone it down to 30% speed and strength. How does his accuracy get better? Remember we are no longer stat based, therefore the accuracy of any given attack is determined by the victim and the quality of your rp.


After this is all fixed, I'll take a quick look at your kido.
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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Sith on Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:36 am

bump... I think i got everything
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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Sith on Mon Nov 08, 2010 2:33 pm

bump
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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Sith on Thu Nov 18, 2010 2:07 pm

bump
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Re: Ace... Complete

Post by Sith on Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:09 am

bump.
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Re: Ace... Complete

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