Fanfic Based on my Manga

The following fanfic is based on a manga I created,and I'm still working on. It's one of my favorites so far,and I want to share it with you all!! I'd like any constructive criticism,that way I can make it the best it can be!!

~Chapter 1:Sinister Fate~
Ryuu was crouching in the forest,behind a rock. It was a fall day,fair weather,October 7th. Ryuu had just turned sixteen,and his father bought him a blade. It wasn't much just a basic sword,no fancy designs,or anything like that. All the same Ryuu was proud of it,he was out practicing his sword training,his final day of training before he could call himself a swordsman. His father and brother had been training him to wield a blade in case he was recruited in the army,or even as self defense.

After a minute,he heard his brother's footsteps from the clearing just beside the rock he hid behind. Ryuu launched from behind the rock,and swung the wooden sword at his brother's head. Daisuke,his brother,parried the blow,and swung for Ryuu's neck. Ryuu,moved the sword to block Daisuke's,and kneed his brother in the gut. Daisuke backed away,holding his gut with his left arm,his sword in his right hand.
"Not bad little brother,but I'm better!!" Daisuke lunged at Ryuu as he spoke,swinging for his neck again. Ryuu ducked under Daisuke's blade and stabbed at his chest,before the blade connected,Daisuke swung it away with his own sword.

As Daisuke,and Ryuu prepared to charge they heard a loud explosion from their town. "Ryuu,let's go!!" He lead the way,back toward Hoshi Town,their home.

When they got there they saw a bunch of men wearing black cloak-like capes,with the kanji for "curse" on their backs. They were running around,slicing through the villagers with their weapons. The used anything from swords and axes,to whips and boomerangs. One of the men turned to see the two boys standing outside of the town,he closed his eyes for less than a second and shouted to his comrades,"I've found our target!!" After he yelled that,all the cloaked figures turned to the boys and approached them.

Ryuu stood there shaking all over,noticing his brother's fear Daisuke spoke calmly,"Don't be afraid,I'm still here with you,and remember." He pointed to the two swords sheathed on their waists.
One of the men called out to them,"Drop those swords,we don't want our host there getting hurt. Do we?" The man seemed to be talking about Ryuu.

Out from nowhere,a man jumped at the caped figures,swing a large claymore. "Stay away from my sons!!" He connected,and killed one of the men,cutting into his throat. The others all turned and one jumped over to Jun,Ryuu and Daisuke's father,and stabbed him in the kidney. Jun fell to the ground,blood pouring from the wound.
Ryuu and Daisuke screamed in unison,"FATHER!!" Ryuu's whole body filled with rage and hatred,he felt some weird power flowing out from him. His body began to glow with a blue aura,and he blacked out. A strong determined voice echoed,where Ryuu's smaller voice usually would have. "You all think you can get away with killing the innocent,you'll pay for your misguided thoughts." A sleek blue sword appeared in Ryuu's hand. "Be slain,wicked souls!!" A burst of blue energy shot from Ryuu's other hand,and exploded in the ground,killing more than a third of them. Ryuu rushed in and cut the rest down manually,and stood over their bodies. "Punishment,for your evil deeds."

Ryuu felt himself come back into control,and ran over to where Jun lay. "Dad!! You can't die on me!! Please don't die!!" Tears fell from his eyes,onto his father's body,life slowly fading from it.

Daisuke stood there awestruck,not being able to put through his head what Ryuu just did. He walked over to his father,and stood over Ryuu. "W-what happened,who are they? What's going on?"

Jun lay there,not able to speak much,every word put immense strain on him,"Ryuu my boy,go to Keishi City,you'll find your answers. Remember my son,fate can be cruel,but always have faith,and protect what you love." He coughed loudly,and his head fell,Jun Kesshi had died.

That's chapter one!!

Its really good.
Keep updating, would love to see that as a manga.

Thank you,here's the next chapter.

~Chapter 2:Confrontation~
Ryuu stood there staring,sorrow filled his eyes. His brother had dug a grave for their father,Jun lay in a plain box just big enough to fit him. Daisuke was filling the grave,pouring dirt in over Jun's makeshift casket. When they finished,neither of the boys had anything to say,they were only sixteen and eighteen year old men,too young to know what to say in this situation. As they walked away Ryuu muttered,"Thank you father,I won't fail you."
Daisuke had noticed that Ryuu said something,he turned and asked,"Did you say something?"
Ryuu looked up,determination filled his eyes this time as he spoke. "It will never happen again,I swear! I won't let another loved one die right in front of me!! I will go to Keishi City,I'll find out what's going on and maybe the Seirei Army there will train me. Once I've gotten the proper training I will never have to watch a loved one die like that. I have to become strong,not for myself,but for the sake of everyone I will ever care for!!"
Daisuke smiled at his younger brother and said,"I'm proud of you brother,you're no longer a boy. You have definitely become a man worthy of mother and father's pride. I'm sure if they were alive now,they would be extremely proud." He patted his brother on the shoulder,and kept smiling. "I'll come with you to Keishi City,we'll watch each other's back!" Ryuu nodded and they set out.

After hours of walking they decided to set up camp. The sun was going down,and they finished just before dark. "Well here's where we'll be sleeping.",Daisuke said pointing to two small tents,that would barely have enough space to sleep in. Ryuu couldn't help but laugh out loud. Daisuke smacked the back of his head. "Oh come on,it's not that bad!" Ryuu just kept on laughing. Shaking his head Daisuke started preparing their dinner.

Ryuu and Daisuke sat under the stars after a small meal of bread and rice. Ryuu looked over to his older brother and stood up. "Well I'm going to bed,no point in staying up any longer." Daisuke nodded and headed to his tent too.

The moon was shining over their campsite,crickets where chirping,all the animals of the night were about,while the others slept. Ryuu was laying in his tent,tossing and turning. He kept hearing a voice,similar to his own echoing in his mind. "Do you know me?" Ryuu finally replied to the voice,even though he thought it was a dream. "No,I'll bite who are you?!"
The voice replied calmly,"I am Sukogetsu,do you know why I'm speaking to you,let alone how?"
"Yeah,and I also wonder why you won't let me sleep!" Ryuu was a little impatient,thinking he was just imagining things,or maybe dreaming.
"Foolish boy,you think this is a dream,oh no,it's very real. As real as your father's death." The voice had a hint of it's own impatience in it.
"Shut up,I don't need you talking about my dad's death. If you are gonna talk to me at least show yourself!!" Ryuu was angry that this faceless voice even dared to talk about his father.
"I can't show myself. I'm a spirit within you,with no physical embodiment. I'm a Seirei." Sukogetsu's voice was so much like Ryuu's own,just a little deeper and calmer.
"A...Seirei? Like those spirits that live inside the chosen hosts? Like the higher ranking guys in the Seirei Army?" Ryuu had completely forgotten his anger,he was curious now.
"Yes I am your spirit,like the ones they possess. I can be a great aid to you,and I came here to tell you something." Sukogetsu continued to speak,around the topic he came here for.
Ryuu was really impatient again. "Just get to the damn point already."
"I want to tell you to be strong,I know how you feel. You feel that you should have helped your father,like maybe if you had fought he wouldn't be dead now. You're wrong,all that would've happened is you would've been captured by the Cursed Ones."
Ryuu interrupted him at the words 'Cursed Ones'. "Wait,Cursed Ones? Who are they? Are those the guys who attacked Hoshi Town?"
"That's right,and don't interrupt me!! But yes,the Cursed Ones are after you because of me. They arrived in Hoshi Town because they wanted to capture you and extract me,to use for their own purposes. I was the one who controlled you to fight them off."
"WAIT!! If you could've done that,why didn't you do it earlier and saved my father?! IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S DEAD!!" Ryuu wanted to kill Sukogetsu,but he couldn't even see him.
"You idiot,I would've if I had the power to,but I couldn't because you have to go through a great flash of deep emotion to awaken me. Until you saw your father die,I was dormant within you. It's nobody's fault,except the Cursed Ones that your father is dead." Sukogetsu continued to make Ryuu understand.
Ryuu sat there for a minute,and finally continued. "Okay,I'm sorry. I just need some time to put this through my head,it's a lot to take."
Sukogetsu agreed,and vanished with one more statement. "It wasn't your fault Ryuu,don't blame yourself or me."

Ryuu fell back,and slept.

That's chapter two for you.

Another nice one. I preferred Chapter 1 but Chapter 2 was pretty good. I like the way its sad. I'm guessing Ryuu is the main character?
How many chapters will there be?

~Chapter 3:Powers~
It was morning,Ryuu and Daisuke had woken up and continued their journey. After an hour or so of traveling,Ryuu spoke. "You remember when father was killed right? Did I show any difference in personality or fighting style?"
Daisuke looked over to his brother with interest. "Well no...no you fought like you always do,except I never saw you fight with such skill. The style was practically the same,few differences,but it was way different than the level you showed in training."
Ryuu nodded. He decided he should tell his brother,he deserved to know. "I remember how much you and I looked up to the Seirei Hosts in the army,especially Ryouta Hogosha."
Daisuke laughed a little. "Yeah Master Hogosha really is something. Anyway,go on."
Ryuu continued,with a bit of excitement in his voice. "Well,I have found something out. Last night I was spoken to by Sukogetsu. Sukogetsu is the name of a Seirei. Not just any Seirei..." He paused,trying to decide how to put it. "My Seirei. I am a Seirei Host."
Daisuke had a look of shock on his face. "That's how you became so much stronger when you fought,it was your Seirei!! I never would have thought,that my little brother was a Seirei Host!! That's amazing,when we get there they'll probably let you join their army!!" He put his arm around Ryuu,and smiled.
"Yeah,maybe."

A cloaked figure appeared in front of them suddenly,jumping from behind a tree. "Hello Host,I've heard you were able to take out the cursed squad sent to your town. Very well done. I,however,will not be taken down so easily." He took a stance,with his hands held out wide,and a pitch black axe appeared in his right hand. He gripped it with both and charged at the two boys.

Ryuu was shocked when another Cursed One attacked,it was obvious he was with them even if he hadn't said anything. Ryuu unsheathed his blade,and managed to block as it neared his right arm. He spoke in a calm voice,"You want me alive,don't you? If I'm dead my Seirei will vanish,so you can't strike to kill. So I have the advantage,I am not afraid to kill you!!"
"You talk tough runt,but you don't even use your Seirei's Yaiba,how can you win without his powers?!",As the man said this he jumped back swirled his hands in what seemed like a complete circle. He then shouted,"Cursed Wrapping!!" A purplish black rope shot from his palms,and wrapped around Ryuu. He couldn't move and inch and felt like he was done for,but then he remembered his brother.

Daisuke had snuck into the forest in the commotion,and the Cursed Host had apparently forgot there were two. Daisuke burst from his hiding spot,and slid his sword through the man's back. As he fell,Daisuke said confidently,"I won't let you touch my brother." He turned back to Ryuu,who had been freed from the spell and spoke again,"Let's get moving,we shouldn't waste time." Ryuu nodded and followed him off towards the city.

As they continued traveling,Ryuu thought hard,trying to get Sukogetsu to speak to him. Sukogetsu,why didn't you do anything?! I could've used some help!! He heard Sukogetsu's deep voice in his head,As a Seirei I'm supposed to wait until you call me,otherwise I could pop in when you don't need me. Besides it puts great strain on your untrained body to contain my spirit when I fight. If I force my command too many times,you'll die. Ryuu realized he said "untrained",You mean to say,once I get training I can call your help whenever I need it?Theoretically,yes.[color=blue]In that case I'll train hard and make sure to become an excellent host,so I can protect what I care about!! Keishi City,here I come!! He smiled,and ran full speed toward the city,with Daisuke close behind.

~Chapter 4:Master~

Ryuu and Daisuke ran full speed,never slowing even for a second. Thanks to their determination,they arrived in Keishi City finally.

The streets were filled with passersby,and a few from the Seirei Army on patrol. Daisuke walked up to one of the guards and asked,"Can we see your supervisor?"
"You won't be allowed to take those swords,and you'll have to make an appointment." The guard replied.
"This is urgent,it's about a Seirei!!" Ryuu shouted.
The guard jumped a little at how loud Ryuu yelled. "You have to go through the proper forms,and get an appointment."
They heard a voice from a little ways away,"What's it about kiddies?"
Ryuu and Daisuke turned to see none other than the great Master Hogosha. "Master Hogosha!! It's an honor to meet you!!" Ryuu bowed,along with Daisuke. When he motioned for them to stand Ryuu said,"Back at our home,Hoshi Town,we were attacked by the Cursed Ones. They destroyed the whole town,and killed everyone but us. When they killed my father I felt power flowing through me,and discovered that I was a host. So I have come to request training,and admission to the Seirei Army." Ryuu spoke calmly,and with a hint of excitement in his voice.
The Master sighed,"The whole town...? Including Ex-Master Jun Kesshi?"
Ryuu and Daisuke both jumped slightly. "Wait,Ex-Master Jun Kesshi? Jun Kesshi is our father!",Daisuke said,in a shocked tone.
The Master's eyes were immediately filled with interest. "You are the children of Jun?! Ryuu and Daisuke?! I never would've guessed! Jun told us about his two children,he kept contact through letters. He never told you he was a Master in the Seirei Army?",he asked intrigued.
Ryuu and Daisuke both shook their heads,speechless. They heard another voice from not too far away. They saw an attractive woman,wearing the Seirei Army's armor suit. She wore a cape with the kanji for "Fusion". She was a Fusion rank Seirei Host,the second highest rank in the army. "These two are Master Kesshi's kids? They do look kinda like him." She walked over to them,and looked closely at each of them.
"Anyway." Ryuu turned back to Master Hogosha. "I would like training to control my own Seirei,and acceptance into your army,if you would allow me Master Hogosha." Ryuu bowed again as he spoke.
Hogosha laughed,and said,"Of course I'll accept you! And since you two are the kids of Jun,feel free to call me Ryouta. Besides I have to accept you,that way I can keep an eye on my godchildren." Ryouta smiled as the two jumped again.
They yelled simultaneously,"GODCHILDREN?!" Ryouta and the woman both laughed.
"Yeah Ryouta was named your godfather when you two were born. Oh and by the way I'm Akane Bara,thanks for asking." The last part sounded a little disgruntled.

Ryouta guided the two to the Seirei castle and said,"Your first training session begins...now!!"
To be continued!!
As for the chapter count,I'm currently unsure I just plan on posting maybe the first volume or two here. Maybe the whole series,and have a long topic for anyone to read. I'm not sure right now. As for the main character question,this manga doesn't have one main character it will eventually branch out and have several main characters,at least I hope to do that. If not,Ryuu will be the main character. For now though,he is for sure.

My favorite is the last one.